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Can you guys believe June is almost over already?! I always spend all month waiting for my birthday and then when it’s over, I inevitably feel like I wasted all of this gorgeous month waiting for my one day at the end. It’s so silly. But now, the end is here, which means it’s time for the Tinder Files again! Every month, I post the weird pickup lines people send me on dating apps like Tinder and OkCupid. You can check out the long explanation as to why I do this, or you can stick around here for the Sparknotes.
Of course, weird pickup lines are funny. They make people laugh and cringe and potentially even feel like they’re not alone in being preyed on by douches. Basically, I’ve been doing some academic research on dating apps, and it’s really hit me how different the rules are from traditional dating. As I’ve learned more, I believe I’m really starting to hit on why that is.
Compared to traditional dating, Tinder and OkCupid and POF haven’t really been around that long. And because of that, we haven’t had the time to fine-tune the rules like we have for traditional dating. We know that in a bar situation, it’s a little iffy to walk up to a woman and ask her where her soul rests (see #7). You’d have security on your ass for sure if you walked up to her and said: “[I] want to pin you up against the wall and fuck you hard” without so much as a greeting. But on dating apps, people do it anyway. I believe it’s because we don’t know the rules yet.
So, the Tinder Files hold people accountable for their online dating behavior.
In addition to being funny and relatable and all that stuff from before, The Tinder Files also strive to help make clear what’s okay and not okay to say on dating apps. I’m trying to push along this process of setting the rules! But I do have a few guidelines I follow myself in order to keep this from being a free-for-all of just making fun of people.
For one thing, I would never post about anyone based on their appearance, race, ethnicity, or any other characteristic they can’t help. I’ll also never post negatively about anyone who seemed to have good, pure intentions. Finally, I’ll try to blur out locations and other identifiable things if I think someone could hunt the person down using it. This isn’t about ruining the lives of douches, it’s about turning bad behavior around. And laughing at some weird pickup lines.
Weird Pickup Lines: June 2018
1. Dinner This Upcoming Weekend
I like to post some of the silly and cute lines too, because I like to instill hope that there are some funny, witty guys out there, too! There’s nothing inherently wrong with this one for me, it’s just a little cringey.
2. Without Your Phone Number
Don’t look directly at all that confidence, it’ll burn your eyes.
By the way of what?? This was our only message.
4. Pulled Over
Claps for the creative writing major over here.
5. The Other Chopstick
Were you worried there weren’t going to be enough weird pickup lines in this post? Don’t worry, we were just startin’ slow.
6. If You Were a Vegetable
This one’s weird but somehow a little cute still?? I dunno, I thought this was funny. Let me know what you think in the comments!
7. Where Does Your Soul Rest?
Physical beauty doesn’t impress him anymore, and yet if I looked through his messages I feel like I’d be hard pressed to find anyone unattractive.
8. Is a Hotdog a Sandwich?
This is weird but it’s also a HOT BUTTON ISSUE. A hot dog is not a fucking sandwich. Don’t @ me.
9. Not Compatible
I said fine and unmatched him. If that was a joke, it backfired!
10. Zero APR Loan
Oddly specific and yet so…correct.
Have you gotten any weird pickup lines lately? Share them in the comments!