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Buckle up buttercup, I’ve got some seriously creepy pickup lines for you this month.
Yeah, creepy pickup lines won out this month over the sweet ones, or even the douchey ones. Don’t worry, some are still funny, but the overarching theme here is dudes doing way too much.
If you’re new to The Tinder Files, you can check out what it’s all about by reading this post. If you’re not here for a ton of reading, just the weird stuff, stick around and I’ll give ya the short version.
The Tinder Files are my way of holding people accountable for their shitty behavior online.
Compared to traditional dating, sites like Tinder haven’t been around long, and we don’t have social norms surrounding it that we do for dating in person. That’s why you see a lot more people saying things they know would get them kicked out of a bar. People are testing their limits. It doesn’t necessarily make them bad people, but this can still do a lot of damage if those boundaries don’t get set. So, I’m setting some boundaries by putting the creepy pickup lines, the douchey comments, etc. on blast. Together, we can decide what’s okay for online dating and what’s not. Plus, sometimes it can just be really funny!
I do have some rule set to make sure I’m never just being mean. First, I’ll never make fun of someone based on their appearance, ethnicity, race, etc. Second, I’ll never make fun of someone who seemed to have good, non-manipulative intentions. Third, I’ll try to keep people unidentifiable by blocking out faces, etc. I’m not here to ruin anyone’s life, just make ya feel a little guilty 🙂
So, now that we’ve gotten all the business out of the way, enjoy some creepy, creepy pickup lines for the merry, merry month of May.
Creepy Pickup Lines- May 2018
1. I Miss You
I’ll start you off slow, with one that I’m sure was just a joke that turned out a little…awkward?
2. Testing His Patience
I really thought I had him stumped here when I didn’t let him dare me to go out with him. Then he thought he was SO CLEVER with his lil’ spin there. I thought I’d save him some dignity and not just give him a flat-out “no,” but apparently that’s just me “testing his patience.”
3. Identity Crisis
Who are you?! Adam or Jaden?!
4. Fly a Thousand Oceans
Here’s super creepy pickup line numero uno, friends. I don’ think I need to explain why this is a bit much for just meeting someone?! Like, if a guy walked up to me and said this, I’d have my hand on my pepper spray in case he tied me up and put me in his car so he could take me to the beach and have a “deep convo.”
Notice how in all of that, he only ever said I was pretty. Nothing about my extensive bio. Nothing about what I do for work, nothing about my being well-read or funny or intelligent. Just that he could fly a thousand oceans (you know, a thousand of the five there are) and never see anything as beautiful. Stunning. My beauty never sways. Or bends. It’s very inflexible. It needs some yoga.
Also, wanting someone who is “half the girl as [me]” means literally nothing.
Let’s balance out that weird one with this funny one, shall we? I like to throw a few cute lines into The Tinder Files just to remind us that not every guy out there is treating women so douchily.
I’d never heard of Char but after looking at the website, I’m totally down to get my way.
7. Ask A Silly Question
…get a silly answer. I’m a twenty-something. What do you mean “what drives me?” Silly boy.
8. Heavenly Blessed Beauty
Believe me bud, I do not get messages like this all the time. Again, nothing about my bio, nothing about anything except how pretty I am. And that, apparently, makes me the ultimate dictionary definition of perfection; angelic; a heavenly, blessed beauty.
Please. And you stared at my face for an hour before messaging me? That’s the kind of thing you keep to yourself. That’s the kind of thing that makes me think I need to close my blinds.
Guys, please be mindful of what you say to women. We have more to worry about when it comes to someone giving you a *little too much attention* than men do.
9. Ask Siri
Alright, balancing out the creepy again.
10. New Account Who Dis?
AND WE’RE BACK WITH THE CREEPY. My dude made a whole new account to try again because he didn’t get an answer with the first account. That is just a whole new level of weird. I’m done. I’m over this month. I think next month will have to be dedicated to cute, sweet, and nice boys you can bring home to mamma cause I caNNOT EVEN with this nonsense anymore.
What are some of the creepy pickup lines you’ve gotten online? Vent to me about it in the comments.