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Welcome back to the Tinder Files!
If you’re back here again, I’ll assume the bad pickup lines of previous months haven’t blinded you or forced you to build a boat for all your tears yet. That’s good.
…if you’re new, welcome! Pay no attention to the above statements. They’re like side effects in medication commercials. I’m here to help, I promise.
The Tinder Files are super funny and awkward, which is just how I like ’em, but they also serve a bigger purpose. I use them to hold people accountable for their shitty online dating behavior. People say the crudest, creepiest, weirdest things online! And it’s because we haven’t developed social norms for dating sites like we have for traditional dating. Think about it: we’ve never had something affect dating as much as technology, so it makes sense that we’re testing our limits. But at some point, someone has to put their foot down and actually say hey this is the damn limit.
That’s what I’m here to do!
The Tinder Files are how I hold guys accountable for what they say to women on dating sites like Tinder, Plenty of Fish, OKCupid, Bumble, etc. It’s not just about laughing at bad pickup lines, it’s about putting the ridiculous stuff on blast so guys know what not to say. And also so women see someone standing up for this, so they’ll feel more comfortable doing it, too.
I’ve set up some ground rules so this isn’t just a free-for-all of me making fun of people. That’s not what this is about. Yes, sometimes I post the awkward ones, or even really great ones just to balance out the awful ones, but it’s not just for fun:
- I will never post about someone based on their physical appearance, race, ethnicity, orientation, etc. I’m not trying to prove I’m better than anyone.
- I’ll never post about anyone who seemed to have honorable intentions. I know it’s hard to put yourself out there, and I’m not going to put anyone on blast who really seemed genuine.
- I’ll blur out faces and other identifying details to the best of my ability. (I may leave a town name if you can’t see a face. I may leave a photo unblurred if it’s tiny, has multiple people, etc.) Your mamma definitely warned you about what can happen when you post things on the internet, but at the same time, I’m not tryna snitch on anyone here. If you only feel bad because you got caught saying something shitty, you didn’t learn anything.
If you want a little more background, and a list of all the 2017 TFs, you can visit this page! But for now, it’s time for the fun part: the bad pickup lines.
Bad Pickup Lines: April 2018 Tinder Files
1. Scale of 1-10
We’re starting off slow this month, but don’t worry there are plenty of weird ones. I’m taking points off here for lack of originality.
2. Perfect… .. ..
It’s not that this should be categorized with the bad pickup lines per say…but it’s very extra… (… .. ..)
3. Line of Cocaine
This guy disabled his account (or unliked me) so I don’t know the answer! I Googled the crap outa this, and it doesn’t seem to be on the internet. Any ideas, anyone?!
Maybe it’s ’cause he was pretty cute, but I thought this innuendo was tastefully done. It could’ve gone either way– innocent or sexual (y’know, was he unwrapping me, like taking my clothes off, or just unwrapping me, like in a box as a present?). I can see how some may see this as objectification because like, a person being a gift implies possession, so let me know what you think of this one in the comments!
This guy was super hot, and definitely knew it. That confidence might be a turn-on for some, but in this situation, it seemed to me like he was really used to getting what he wanted. When I didn’t answer this message, he actively went back and unliked me.
6. Adult Film Star
Oh! First paragraph sounds great…looking good…oh. Well, I guess it’s better that this is out in the open from day one. Can’t judge the guy for doin what he’s gotta do, I guess!
7. Super Embarrassing Situation
I just can’t decide if this was some kind of weird line, or if he really got himself in this situation and his first line of defense was to go on OKCupid and ask for help?
8. Take Over the World
This sounds like a low-budget commercial for Atlantic City.
9. Tacos at Chipotle
I actually get this a lot. I think I need to change my bio.
10. A Nicole Short
There must be a website somewhere that specializes in Nicole-themed bad pickup lines because I get variations of this all the time.
What are the best bad pickup lines you’ve ever gotten on dating sites like Tinder?
Need more Tinder Files? Check out last month’s edition here!