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It’s already time to pick out the best pickup lines of the month!
…and the worst! As you know if you’ve been with Uninspired a while, every month I do this fun thing where I pick out the best pickup lines I’ve gotten, as well as the dirtiest, creepiest, and funniest. It makes people laugh, but it also has a deeper purpose.
You can check out the long version here if you want to know aaaaall about it, but I’ll give you the basics here. The Tinder Files are about accountability. People say a lot of things on dating sites like Tinder that they would NEVER say to a person who was standing in front of them at a bar or coffee shop. I mean, I’ve had people straight up tell me they want to fuck me up against a wall without so much as a hello. Uncomfortable to read, right? Not one of the best pickup lines I’ve ever heard. In fact, at a bar, you’d have a vodka sprite in your eyes before you could even blink.
So, why do people say this shit online?
Because of the lack of accountability. They know they CAN’T get a drink in their face for being a dick over a computer or phone. So they say whatever they want. But it still takes a toll on the person on the receiving end. I should know; I’ve been on dating sites for about four years, starting with Tinder. At first, it was amazing. I had like fifty guys a day telling me how pretty I was. But soon, I started to notice a drop in my self-esteem, and it’s because their compliments were…not real compliments.
So, what did I do about it? I started the Tinder Files. Singling out the best pickup lines encourages people to be nice. Singling out the awful ones encourages people to be better, or at least pretend to be while in the public eye. But, I do have a few ground rules set to make sure I don’t end up stooping to these douche’s levels. I’ll never post about someone who seemed to have good intentions. I’ll never post about someone based on their physical appearance, ethnicity, race, etc. And I’ll always try to blur faces and identifying details.
So, now that that’s all out of the way, please enjoy the best pickup lines I’ve chosen for January 2018!
1. In My Dreams
Haaaah. So cute. Next time someone tries something like this on me I’m gonna pretend I know them. “Oh yeah you went to that blogging conference right?! So nice to hear from you!!”
2. Suddenly, All At Once
I’m actually having trouble deciding how I feel about this one. My feelings are threefold. On one hand, I feel like this is a cop out because it’s a quote from Crime and Punishment. On the other hand, it’s a little pretentious to send a quote from a classic novel. And on my weird third hand that I apparently have because I said I had three feelings and went with a hand-metaphor, is it a liiiiittle sweet that someone thought of a romantic line from a classic novel when they learned about me?
3. Literally be Your Mann
I literally don’t No uu lol
4. Roll Down a Hill
Is this something I don’t understand? Is this a euphemism for something?
5. Blank Stare
I dunno about you guys but the last thing I’m gonna do on a dating site is point out my potential flaws.
“Hey you didn’t answer my last stupid message and my last boyfriend said I was literally bat shit insane but you don’t see that right hahaha”
6. Subway Discount
As a matter of fact, this guy caught me about three years too late. I did work at Subway (‘scuse me, SubwayTM) and could’ve gotten him a discount.
7. Duty on Time
Gotta love when their best pickup lines are to promote their pyramid schemes.
Also love when their best pickup lines promote their music career. Bonus: I’m not from anywhere near that town, and my actual town is listed in plain English on my profile.
9. Parking Ticket
Okok, this one was cute. I promised you the best pickup lines and I’ve been a little bitter, so hopefully this one helps a little.
10. Sign Language
And for the end of this month’s Tinder Files, I will leave you with this deep thought *hits blunt*
What are the best pickup lines you’ve ever gotten on a dating site?