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I’m sure most of you millennial-aged folks know this already, but different dating apps have different reputations. eHarmony, for example, is somewhere you go when you’re looking for something serious. You pay for that, you want that shit to last for life. Tinder, on the other hand, is considered a hookup app. It’s one you use when you’re looking for a one night stand or casual hookup. I often wonder, since I only use free dating/hookup sites, if there’s less crap to wade through on the paid ones.
You guys are all here to see some funny pickup lines. But before we get to the good stuff, I have to tell you why I’m posting them. You can read the long version here, or the short version below.
Technology has given us the incredible gift of being able to meet anyone from any corner of the world. It has also given us a major confidence boost because we don’t have to see a person’s reaction to what we say. Sometimes, this can be a great thing. You know, if you’re using it to muster up the strength to tell a pretty girl you like her. However, this is rarely the case with internet confidence. It gets used to say sexual things to women that they’d never feel comfortable enough to say in person.
There’s a reason this is happening, not that it makes it okay. It’s happening because we haven’t yet established social norms for online dating like we have for traditional dating. It hasn’t been around for hundreds of years for us to do trial-and-error. So right now, the online dating world is in a bit of turmoil. They’re still trying to figure their shit out. And now that we have the rise of the hookup app, the mainstream is getting involved. That makes it that much harder to control how people behave. I’m not saying we should censor people, or even that online dating is bad. I just think that some social norms need to be established over some more time, and I’m trying to help it along.
I post the most cringeworthy and inappropriate pickup lines from my dating sites and hookup apps, in hopes that one day it’ll become less socially acceptable to say the things that get said. When other people are privy to the crude things that go on, people aren’t so willing to do them anymore. I also post the ones that don’t make any sense, because I believe that even someone you’re looking for casual sex with deserves a proofread message.
But– I also post the sweet ones, and the fantastically clever ones. I’m a positive person, and I don’t want this to be a doom-and-gloom series. I want you guys to be able to laugh at the things people say. Y’know, ’cause if we didn’t laugh, we’d cry.
I have set some ground rules to ensure this doesn’t come across mean. I’m trying to build a healthy dating culture, not tease people just for fun. I will never make fun of someone’s race, ethnicity, or general appearance. That’s a given. I’ll also never post about someone in a negative way if they seemed to have good intentions. Finally, I’ll try to block out any glaring, obvious identifying information, like closeup photos of just one person, or name and location combos.
And without further ado, here’s my hookup app pickup line roundup for November! Hope you like it!
1. Trump Supporter
It’s November, so it’s been about a year since the election. It’s been a doozy, but most of us are still here.
I really like just how much this person warned me about the question he was going to ask. It’s almost like he knew someone might have a problem with it…
2. Dick Pic
This person legitimately posted a picture of his erect penis on his profile. I tried to just keep my mouth shut and ignore his messages, but he baited me, and I took it. Absolute trash.
3. Blah Blah Blah
Much direct. Very food. Like.
4. I Like BJs
I like BJ’s too. Their selection is much better than Costco.
Hold on, lemme grab my rainbow propeller hat!
I dunno, you better stick out your hand so I can sniff it first.
7. Sales Pitch
I hope this guy has his own infomercial. I’d stay up until 3AM to watch it. He’s good.
8. Side Dish
Haaaaaah. Hah. Too bad I don’t like cole slaw or I’d be really excited because I’ve never made this connection before.
9. A Few Screws Loose
I don’t think this one got the memo that being mean to girls you like only gets a pass in first grade??
Finally, in honor again of one year of this term being down, we have Brian here who I hope still has his insurance at this point. #Pray4Brian.