The Tinder Files – Best/Worst Pickup Lines on Dating Sites – September 2017

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Well, how was your first month back to the grind? I’ve been crazy busy with classes, internships, and tutoring, and I haven’t had as much time for the blog. Thankfully, I organized really well over the summer, so lots of things are already prepared. I’ve been able to spend most of my blogging time just promoting and chatting with you lovely people, which is sometimes better than the writing itself, if I’m honest. Today, as you know, is the last Friday in September, which means it’s time again for the Tinder Files. For those who don’t know, that’s when I pick out the best and worst pickup lines I’ve gotten on dating sites, and share them with you all.

If you want the full story, you can check out this post from the beginning of the year. If you want the Reader’s Digest version, just read on here.

I started the Tinder Files because I spend a good chunk of my phone time on dating sites like Tinder, Plenty of Fish, and OkCupid. There are more, but you guys have lives. Now, some of that time spent is for this series, but I also really love getting to know new people. And of course, I love love. I’m in training to be a marriage therapist, after all. I thought I should’ve felt so fulfilled, but after spending time on these apps, I usually felt kind of crappy. Wanna know why?

That’s a rhetorical question. This is a blog post, I can’t hear you. I felt crappy because yes, I was getting lots of compliments from guys. But they were crude and sexual and nobody was reading my bio or getting to know me. They were telling me they wanted to suck my boobs and show me their dicks. In the moment, I’d laugh it off, but after hundreds of these come in over the course of a year or two, it wears on you. I’m more than my appearance. And if we were at a bar, you’d walk up and say hello first. Even if you only wanted sex, you’d at least ask my name and what I do before you whipped out their dick. So, why do people do this? Why is it okay to talk to people this way just because there are phones or computers involved?

Seriously, don’t try to answer. I can’t hear you. Short version is, it’s not okay to treat people that way just because screens are involved. But here’s why it happens anyway: dating sites are brand new compared to how long traditional dating has been around. There are lots of social rules and standards that have been set over hundreds of years of trial and error in traditional dating. But dating sites and apps have only been around for a few years, maybe ten or fifteen at the oldest. That means they haven’t been around long enough yet to establish those norms. As we get more accustomed to them, and as they enter the mainstream as they are with Tinder and other swiping apps, this may change. But only if we change it.

I’m posting all the crappy pickup lines from dating sites. I post those disgusting, inappropriate ones in hopes that one day, it’ll be just as unacceptable to talk like that over the phone to a stranger as it is in public. I also post the careless ones, because even someone you only want casual sex with deserves a message you bothered to proofread. This is not 2003. We’re good at this texting thing now.

But in addition to those crappy ones, I also post the best ones. The really clever, funny ones that restore my faith. Because if we didn’t laugh we’d cry, am I right?

Jesus you’re really not getting the idea here. I really can’t hear you.

I’ve set up some ground rules to make sure that The Tinder Files never comes across mean. I’m not here to make fun of anyone, I just want to recreate a healthy dating culture in this confusing time where we’re getting used to technology being a part of our dating lives. So because of that, I’ll never make fun of anyone’s race, ethnicity, or general appearance. That’s not cool, ever. I’ll also never make fun of anyone who I thought had good intentions. Finally, I’ll cover up major identifying information like full names, name and location combos, or closeup photos of a single person.

Alright, now that we’re all on the same page, let’s get to the good stuff.


1. A Thousand Painters

I thought I’d start us off with a nice one this month. You know, to drill in the point that dating sites aren’t all bad. This might be a little over-the-top, but the intentions are good.

The Tinder Files are my attempt to hold people accountable for the crude pickup lines they use on dating sites. I post the gross ones and the careless ones, but sometimes they're just freakin' funny.

2. Breakfast

“Nice guy looking for something real,” and by something real he apparently means he wants a home chef/stripper combo

The Tinder Files are my attempt to hold people accountable for the crude pickup lines they use on dating sites. I post the gross ones and the careless ones, but sometimes they're just freakin' funny.

3. Mac & Cheese

This is so wholesome and precious. I love this line.

The Tinder Files are my attempt to hold people accountable for the crude pickup lines they use on dating sites. I post the gross ones and the careless ones, but sometimes they're just freakin' funny.

4. Emojis

It’s hard to say whether emojis have changed dating sites for better or for worse. This, however, is for sure a bad example.

The Tinder Files are my attempt to hold people accountable for the crude pickup lines they use on dating sites. I post the gross ones and the careless ones, but sometimes they're just freakin' funny.

5. Picked Flowers

On the flip side, here’s a good example of emoji usage.

The Tinder Files are my attempt to hold people accountable for the crude pickup lines they use on dating sites. I post the gross ones and the careless ones, but sometimes they're just freakin' funny.

 

6. Lightly Choke & Spank

Freud might say you watched your father do that to your mother. But that’s none of my business. *sips tea*

The Tinder Files are my attempt to hold people accountable for the crude pickup lines they use on dating sites. I post the gross ones and the careless ones, but sometimes they're just freakin' funny.

7. Nice Eyebrows

Finally, someone who appreciates all the hard work and effort that go into my eyebrows. I love this guy. We’re in love now. Not really, but I do appreciate him very much.

The Tinder Files are my attempt to hold people accountable for the crude pickup lines they use on dating sites. I post the gross ones and the careless ones, but sometimes they're just freakin' funny.

8. Orange You Glad

Points off for presentation but points awarded for content.

The Tinder Files are my attempt to hold people accountable for the crude pickup lines they use on dating sites. I post the gross ones and the careless ones, but sometimes they're just freakin' funny.

9. Matching Christmas Sweaters

I’m honestly not sure if this is a good thing?

The Tinder Files are my attempt to hold people accountable for the crude pickup lines they use on dating sites. I post the gross ones and the careless ones, but sometimes they're just freakin' funny.

10. Most Poetic Compliment

As I do each month, I saved the best for last. I have been in love many times, and never received a compliment of this caliber. Please excuse me while I go huddle in a ball on the floor and reevaluate my life.

The Tinder Files are my attempt to hold people accountable for the crude pickup lines they use on dating sites. I post the gross ones and the careless ones, but sometimes they're just freakin' funny.

What are the best and worst pickup lines YOU’VE ever gotten on dating sites? Leave them in the comments below!

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