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It’s that time of the month again, friends! It’s time for the dating app pickup line roundup for July.
This is month seven of this endeavor, so a lot of you might know the deal by now. If so, you can skip down to the good stuff. If not, you have two options. You can click here for the long-winded explanation, or just keep reading for the Sparknotes version.
The Tinder Files are my way of holding people accountable for what they say on social media. After being in a dating app frenzy for a long time, touting their greatness, I started to notice that my self-esteem actually wasn’t so great while I was on them. Of course, this had to do with a mixture of things, but the main reason was that guys weren’t being very nice to me on them. They sure thought they were, but their “compliments” would NEVER fly if we were meeting in person.
Here’s the thing: technology, particularly dating app culture, has given the dating world many gifts.
One of them is the confidence that comes from having screens between you while you talk. That’s great if you’re using that confidence to muster up the strength to talk to a pretty girl. Not so great if you’re using it to tell me you want to suck my boobs without so much as a hello. If we were in a bar, my drink would be in your face so damn fast, you wouldn’t even know what hit ya. Why do we say things on an online dating app that we’d never try to say to someone in person?
Well, friends, compared to traditional dating, online dating is relatively new. It hasn’t been around long enough for there to be well-established social rules surrounding it, which means it’s kind of a free-for-all right now. I don’t think it’s a bad way to date at all– in fact, I think it’s the future of dating. That’s why we need to establish what is okay and not okay to do.
That’s why I started the Tinder Files.
They’re my collection of the cringiest dating app pickup lines I’ve gotten, and my attempt at reminding people what isn’t okay in traditional dating. I post the crude and inappropriate ones for that purpose, but I also post the careless ones. Because even someone who you just want casual sex with deserves a proofread message. It’s common decency. And let’s face it, they can be funny. But for the sake of positivity, I also post the really clever and funny ones! Yes, I’m here to make people cringe, but I don’t want to pretend like the entire future of dating is in turmoil. There are some very cool and sweet guys out there. I won’t try to deny that. Plus, I’m a positive person. I don’t want this to be all doom-and-gloom like we can’t even laugh at the crazy shit people say.
I have set some ground rules to assure this never seems like it’s coming from a bad place. This is not about me making fun of people for the heck of it. It’s about recreating a healthy dating culture. So, I’ll never make fun of anyone’s appearance. Of course, that includes their race, ethnicity, and general attractiveness. I’ll also never post about anyone who seemed to have good intentions. I’m aware of how hard it is to put yourself out there. I’ll also cover up identifying information that’s incredibly obvious. Like, a full name and location combo, or a close-up photo.
Alright, are we all caught up now? Let’s get started.
1. Funeral Joke
I thought a nice way to start us off this month would be a nice, good-natured joke about death.
Excuse me, we’ve never met or had a conversation before???????
This guy Shawn here was either trying to bait me, or truly believes this. Either way, he’s going to have a rough time finding someone with that bitter approach. I’ve never dated a jock in my life.
3. Sugar Baby
Ahh if only it were that easy 🙁
4. Slamming Head
He’s not wrong but hOW DARE HE!!
Ask a silly question, get a silly answer 🙂
6. Are You Tired?
Just….drop me a comment if you get it because I’m at a loss.
I have a major problem with this. Get ready guys, I’m about to go on a major rant.
HOW CAN YOU SAY CHIPOTLE IS A FAKE MEXICAN FOOD CHAIN? I WOULD EAT CHIPOTLE EVERY DAY UNTIL THE DAY I DIE SO THIS DUDE CAN JUST GO STRAIGHT TO MY DELETED MESSAGES.
Just kidding. Aside from that one teensy problem, I thought this was hilarious. A sweet, wholesome icebreaker that set the tone for a nice conversation.
8. Inside Job
A very direct approach; I can appreciate that. He also understands the importance of hoping no one you know sees your dating app profiles, which will become relevant in one minute.
9. Art Project
Here is a beautiful example of why you shouldn’t say potentially embarrassing things on the internet. Well, another one, besides the fact that I posted it for all the world to see. This guy and I actually have a ton of mutual friends from college, and I knew who he was but he didn’t know who I was. So once, somebody was in this dating app (I think it’s Tinder) on my phone just being silly, saw this message, and embarrassed the crap outa him. You’re never safe, friends.
Anyone who’s read The Tinder Files before knows I like to end on a good note. This was one of the best lines I’ve ever gotten, and I’m so excited to put it in the TF Hall of Fame today!