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Hi friends! How was your June? June, of course, is my favorite month because it’s my birth month. You just missed it– it was three days ago. But gifts and cards are accepted all through July 😉 Today, of course, is the last Friday of the month, and you know what that means: The Tinder Files! It’s the day where I round up all the best and worst pickup lines from my free online dating site collection (really, I have ten of them) and post them here for you lucky ducks.
The Tinder Files, though very funny, also serve a purpose. You can read the short version here, or the long version here. Technology has given the dating world some incredible gifts. The first is that it opens the door to the entire world. We are now able to meet people we never would have run into on the street, in a coffee shop, or at the bar. It also emboldens us to say things that we wouldn’t say if we met someone on the street, in a coffee shop, or at the bar. This confidence can be a great thing, but it can also be used negatively. That’s where this series comes in.
Free online dating allows the masses to get involved in a subculture that used to be super small.
And, it hasn’t been around very long, so we haven’t established social rules as well as we have for traditional dating. Those two things paired together are a giant mess. Everyone doesn’t want a strong, committed relationship. Most of the general public who have joined these free online dating sites are using them to say crude things to people they just want to hook up with. They’re free forums full of millions of single people, c’mon. So, it’s a little anarchic right now. But by posting these pickup lines, I hope to remind people of what would and wouldn’t be socially acceptable if you were meeting a person in real life.
So, here’s the deal.
I post the disgusting, cringeworthy ones in hopes of it becoming less socially acceptable to treat a stranger like a sex object. No man would EVER walk up to a woman in a bar and say he wanted to suck her boobs. But someone has said it to me online. Without so much as a hello preceding it. I also post the careless ones, because even someone you intend to treat as a sex object in the future is still human and deserves a proofread message. And, is it really good for your game if your hey comes out as gey?
But– in the midst of all that negativity, I like to remain a positive person. It cannot be denied that there are some suuuper sweet guys out there. Some incredibly witty ones, too. So I’ll always throw in some nice ones to remind us all that the good guys are out there. It’s just that, now that we have the entire world at our disposal thanks to free online dating, there’s a lot more crap to weed through.
I do have some rules set for myself to make sure this never looks like I’m doing it from a bad place.
I will never make fun of anyone’s appearance at all- race, ethnicity, or general attractiveness. This is not about me being any better than the people I post about. It’s about recreating a healthy dating culture. I’ll also never post anyone’s pickup lines if they seemed to have good intentions and were just awkward. I understand that it’s hard to put yourself out there, and again, I’m not here to make fun of anyone without purpose. Finally, if there’s an absurd amount of identifying information like a close-up photo, or a name and location combo, I’ll block that stuff out. Well, I’ll pink it out.
So finally, I’m done talking, and we can get to the good stuff. Here’s the June edition of The Tinder Files:
1. “That’s My Pickup Line”
We’re gonna take it easy this month. A few times, I’ve gotten comments exclaiming that I did NOT hold back. They didn’t seem like they were complaining, and I am trying to make people a little uncomfortable. But like, not so uncomfortable that they don’t want to read. So, I’m lightening the mood this month. Lots of quirky and funny ones, very few that made me see spots. Exhibit A: this guy who just wanted to make sure I knew exactly what his pickup line was.
2. Corny Pickup Line
I must say, this is one of my favorites of all time. I’m a sucker for dad jokes. I have a terrible sense of humor. Don’t mind me.
3. Nice Arm
It’s a pet peeve of mine when people don’t post photos of their faces. I do not want to date you or meet you based on this photo of your arm. I don’t want to meet you based on the photo of your abs. Or your back muscles. Or your car. (Maybe your dog though.) This impression this puts forth for me is that you don’t feel you have anything else to offer but your body or your car. It comes across shallow and immature to me, and that’s not what I’m looking for.
4. 48 Years Old
I’m sorry, you could easily be my father. This might be the psychologist in me speaking, but I really think that grown men who feel a need to pursue barely-legal women like myself (I’m being dramatic, I’m 23) need some sort of counseling. Something is preventing them from being okay with the age they’re at, and it should be dealt with professionally.
This one speaks for itself. Poor kid. I couldn’t help but laugh at his presentation. I did end up answering him and we talked for a bit. I’d honestly just missed his first message.
Okay. This one, I hate. Comes across innocent enough, right? Innocent enough that you might be thinking, “Nicole, you broke rule number two. Never post about someone who had good intentions.”
The intentions were not good. I have a soft spot for anyone who seems like they may be suffering. I can’t help it. So, even though I wasn’t attracted to him, I wanted to give the poor soul someone to talk to.
He came up with an hour-long song and dance all about how he didn’t have experience with women, and it made him go into a tailspin about never getting married and blah blah blah, for the sole purpose of convincing me to go out with him. At the end of his sales pitch he said: “so, do you think you’d go out with me now?” And when I said no, he got mad, and I eventually had to block him.
He had no respect for the fact that I said I’d met someone. He had no respect for the fact that I’d said no, and he whined like a petulant child. If it was even true that he had no experience with women, it’s only because he wastes his time manipulating them instead of trying to get to know them. He doesn’t want a relationship, he wants a self-esteem boost that comes from being able to say he has a girlfriend. Doesn’t care who she is, just wants one.
I wonder if this type of thing is only typical of free online dating sites, or if it happens on paid ones, too? Because it’s things like this that make me think of switching over. They’re more invested in finding love there, so they might be more mature, or in more of a frenzy trying to get what they paid for. Any insight on that is welcome in the comments.
7. Hottest Single
Okay, to balance out the crappy ones, I’ve added another line that I absolutely loved. See, maybe the free online dating thing isn’t so bad after all. I spoke too soon, don’t mind me.
8. In My Pajamas
Y’know, he broke the ice again in a real cool way. He avoided the average “hey,” but he also didn’t make a comment about how I hadn’t answered him. Solid 10/10, would answer.
9. *Pushes You*
I’m chalking this one up to carelessness. I was making sense, right? I’m witty and clever, not a weirdo? It’s a shame– this guy was so cute, but I dunno, I must’ve said something wrong. Eventually he stopped answering me. Sad.
10. Fake Account
Ahh, see if I weren’t on a free online dating site, there would probably be fewer fake accounts, and fewer opportunities for high-quality lines like this gem. As you may know, I like to end on a positive note, so I hope you like this last line of the June edition of The Tinder Files!